What were your attitudes toward use of substances when you were a child and an adolescent? What was your personal and peer group experience of substance use? How are your views the same or different now?
As a child, I had limited knowledge about substance use but my maternal grandmother smoked cigarettes and I thought that was really gross and would tell her as much. Neither of my parents drank alcohol except for the occasional drink on special occasions or during religious rituals, so I never really saw them become intoxicated. In general my parents have pretty liberal attitudes towards most things but both of them feel strongly about the dangers of substance use and abuse, especially my father who is a child of an alcoholic. Early in my adolescence, I was very interested in exploring substances and felt that my experimentation was harmless and never considered addiction as a potential consequence. I started smoking pot in 9th grade and then cigarettes a year later. I attended a small private high school from 10th-12th grade and many of my friends/peers struggled with substance abuse issues and engaged in risky behaviors related to substance use. I think in some ways, even though I was often present with them at parties and other social situations where substances were involved, I felt the need to be more sober than everyone else so that I could make sure we were all safe.
I definitely consider my adolescent experiences and exposure to substance use and addiction to be atypical. Most of my peer group was experimenting with alcohol and other drugs and we all smoked cigarettes. In high school one of my best friends was an alcoholic and after a particularly frightening bender, I had to essentially tell on him to our principal so that she could confront his parents about what was going on. They ended up sending him to rehab but he continued his struggle with addiction and has been in and out of rehab facilities and jail for the past several years. I also dated a recovering heroin addict (in high school) who relapsed while we were seeing each other and the last time I saw him before he went to rehab I went over to his house only to discover that he’d had a failed suicide attempt earlier that day. When I was 16, one of my close friends was found dead, facedown in a puddle near a local park. His parents never admitted it publicly, but we all knew that drugs were involved. Frankly, seeing the pain, desperation, and suffering that my friends experienced in their struggles with addiction scared the heck out of me. Even though I sometimes experimented or used substances, I was always extremely cautious and never wanted to feel “out of control”. I also never assumed that the people I was with would look out for or take care of me, which made me extra careful about ingesting anything mind-altering. This attitude stayed with me through college and into adulthood. I will go out for drinks with friends and all of that normal stuff, but I have never been black out drunk or gotten to the point of inebriation where I can’t remember what happened.
At the end of the day, I feel that substances can be used responsibly but they can also be abused and certain people may not be able to responsibly use substances. I really empathize with those struggling with addiction, but honestly it still scares me a bit and I feel extremely concerned about people when I know that they are endangering themselves through substance use. I feel that I can and will certainly work with addicts and substance users, but I would probably not make this my specialty area.
What might it feel like to work with clients making different choices, or to encourage choices that you did not make?
I think my experiences are unique to me and I wouldn’t want to impose my own values on others or assume that my choices would be appropriate for others. I think that my experience in adolescence with my peers made it pretty clear that some people are able to casually experiment with substances and others cannot recreationally use addictive substances. Right now I am working with adolescents and the main things I try to focus them on in terms of this type of behavior are making sure they are being safe and looking out for their protection as well as understanding the possible ramifications (legal and otherwise) of substance use.
Who advised you about drugs and alcohol, and when? What was your response? What encouraged or discouraged use in the approaches you encountered? What do you hope to emulate or discard from your models?
My parents have always been pretty open with me about drugs and alcohol. They obviously didn’t want me doing those things as a teen, but instead of simply forbidding it they talked to me a lot about safety and making sure I was being responsible. They really expressed their concerns for my welfare and that helped me make better choices about substance use. They also created an open dialogue between us so I knew that I could always call them if I needed help instead of making a poor choice like riding in a car with a drunk driver or something of that nature. This really helped me learn to experiment and push the boundaries while still being cautious and mindful of my safety and wellbeing. In addition, my paternal grandmother was an alcoholic and that has greatly affected my father as he really grew up without a mother who was present and able to parent. Knowing how addiction not only affected my grandmother but also impacted her children was a powerful deterrent for me. I think that my parents did a great job of providing me with the information I needed to make informed decisions while also allowing me the independence to make mistakes in a safer environment. Being able to have a dialogue with them about substance use without fear of punishment created an atmosphere that allowed me to be open and honest with them and come to them for help, which was especially helpful in light of the traumatic substance-related experiences I had in high school within my social circle.
JHU Addictions: Reflective Blog 